Exactly two weeks ago a beautiful new creation entered this world and became a part of my family. All my fears, doubts, prayers, excitement, anticipation, and joy over the last nine months were leading to this one point in time where they would collide headfirst and reckless inside me and create a for me a new world in which to live. As I held my new son for the first time, I watched as he took his 9th, 10th, and 11th breath of life and I felt an immediate, refreshing well of peace overtake me. I was sure that my battling feelings and mixed emotions would only be magnified a hundred fold on that day, and I'm glad I was wrong. The curious sensation of looking upon someone that you've never met before and instantaneously experience ultimate love, acceptance, and complete recognition is almost too complicated for words. It can only be attributed to our amazingly loving, gracious, and mysterious God.
Yes, I am still scared out of my mind that I am now part of a family of four. I have been entrusted with children to raise in the right way. I am the go-to guy to make the final decisions on which direction an entire family should go in life. I am the one my kids will look to for spiritual guidance, morality, and truth. I have named two human beings! It doesn't get much weightier than this! My only hope and prayer is that these fears aren't the rulers in my life. What a relief it is when I actually believe that the eternal destiny and security of my family resides solely with the Creator and Sustainer of all things and not in my flawed and imperfect self.
Lord free my heart to see myself as a vessel that you might use to do your work because you delight to, not because you need to. Thank you for freeing me of this burden, for I would undoubtedly fail on my own.
Yes, I am still scared out of my mind that I am now part of a family of four. I have been entrusted with children to raise in the right way. I am the go-to guy to make the final decisions on which direction an entire family should go in life. I am the one my kids will look to for spiritual guidance, morality, and truth. I have named two human beings! It doesn't get much weightier than this! My only hope and prayer is that these fears aren't the rulers in my life. What a relief it is when I actually believe that the eternal destiny and security of my family resides solely with the Creator and Sustainer of all things and not in my flawed and imperfect self.
Lord free my heart to see myself as a vessel that you might use to do your work because you delight to, not because you need to. Thank you for freeing me of this burden, for I would undoubtedly fail on my own.
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| Photo by Brooke Ledbetter Photography |
