About seven years ago (verbalizing this makes me feel so old) a man introduced himself to me as John. John has been one of my greatest friends over the years, not only because he invited me into his life, but also because he introduced a new relational lifestyle that would change me forever. I joined up with John and a few other men to form up what we called "guys group". This group was not your typical Bible study, small group, or even accountability group.... it was so much more than that. We wanted to be different in the sense that we wanted to pour so much of ourselves into each other that our lives would be changed. Yes, it took some time for us to get there, but through intentionality, vulnerability, good counsel, love, and friction... we got there! I saw marriages being mended, I saw lies exposed and reconciled, I saw immense vulnerability with hidden sin, and I experienced tremendous grace and acceptance for who I was. It was the first time in my life where I felt like I could leave all my crap on the table for everyone to see and still walk away feeling loved.
When I was called away from Lynchburg, my heart was ripped in two. I knew it was right for me to move on, but the ache of losing such a group of men in my life will forever leave a gap in my being. My perspective on life and relationships will forever be changed because of how God used those men in my life. Would I ever find that again? Does it exist? Can it work?
Fast forward to today...
Last night I met with the group of guys that I now meet with weekly. We started this new guys group a couple of years ago with the same desire, need, and desperation that the original group desired. I am realizing more and more, that men need vulnerable relationships with other men... period. I know that as men, we are so wired to be individualistic, independent, and strong that this notion seems so counter-intuitive. It's really hard. Trust me... I still struggle with it. I just want to express my complete gratitude that God has blessed me with such men once again. As we talked through various issues each of us were going through last night, I was just amazed that I was allowed to be a part of it.... especially knowing that some will never experience it. Nate Larkin wrote a book called "Samson and the Pirate Monks" dealing with our need for such relationships and one thing that he said in the book will always stick with me. He said, "we are called to have a personal relationship with Christ, not a private one." He is spot on! Until we experience the raw vulnerability of our hearts being exposed, we will never be able to fully grasp how far Christ went to save us and how much he has forgiven us. Experiencing this kind of forgiveness is so incredibly freeing! It frees us from the bondage of self-righteous living and ultimately helps us love ALL others well... because no one could be worse than us.
I'm sure some may be struggling with the thought that their spouses should be the one that they go to for everything... not just a bunch of dudes. I would say you are absolutely right for the most part. If you are married, your wife should definitely be your most intimate confidant and companion in life. I am not downplaying that at all. That being said, your wife can only be what she is. Meaning that she was made intentionally different from you; complete with a different perspective, different emotional makeup, different struggles, different outlook on life, etc... and can speak much wisdom into your life because of that. She can be your calm when you struggle with anger, she can be your reasoning when you are irrational, she can be your encourager when you are depressed, she can be your fighter when you feel defeated, she can be your lover when you feel alone, and so on. What an amazing gift they are. BUT they can't always relate to your struggles the same way that men can, because men are wired similarly and often wrestle with sin similarly.
So, ya, I'm secretly dubbing "guys group" as fleshoholics anonymous because I think that's what we all are.... people addicted and constantly running back to our flesh. God made us relational beings and created us for Himself, of course, but also for each other.
When I was called away from Lynchburg, my heart was ripped in two. I knew it was right for me to move on, but the ache of losing such a group of men in my life will forever leave a gap in my being. My perspective on life and relationships will forever be changed because of how God used those men in my life. Would I ever find that again? Does it exist? Can it work?
Fast forward to today...
Last night I met with the group of guys that I now meet with weekly. We started this new guys group a couple of years ago with the same desire, need, and desperation that the original group desired. I am realizing more and more, that men need vulnerable relationships with other men... period. I know that as men, we are so wired to be individualistic, independent, and strong that this notion seems so counter-intuitive. It's really hard. Trust me... I still struggle with it. I just want to express my complete gratitude that God has blessed me with such men once again. As we talked through various issues each of us were going through last night, I was just amazed that I was allowed to be a part of it.... especially knowing that some will never experience it. Nate Larkin wrote a book called "Samson and the Pirate Monks" dealing with our need for such relationships and one thing that he said in the book will always stick with me. He said, "we are called to have a personal relationship with Christ, not a private one." He is spot on! Until we experience the raw vulnerability of our hearts being exposed, we will never be able to fully grasp how far Christ went to save us and how much he has forgiven us. Experiencing this kind of forgiveness is so incredibly freeing! It frees us from the bondage of self-righteous living and ultimately helps us love ALL others well... because no one could be worse than us.
I'm sure some may be struggling with the thought that their spouses should be the one that they go to for everything... not just a bunch of dudes. I would say you are absolutely right for the most part. If you are married, your wife should definitely be your most intimate confidant and companion in life. I am not downplaying that at all. That being said, your wife can only be what she is. Meaning that she was made intentionally different from you; complete with a different perspective, different emotional makeup, different struggles, different outlook on life, etc... and can speak much wisdom into your life because of that. She can be your calm when you struggle with anger, she can be your reasoning when you are irrational, she can be your encourager when you are depressed, she can be your fighter when you feel defeated, she can be your lover when you feel alone, and so on. What an amazing gift they are. BUT they can't always relate to your struggles the same way that men can, because men are wired similarly and often wrestle with sin similarly.
So, ya, I'm secretly dubbing "guys group" as fleshoholics anonymous because I think that's what we all are.... people addicted and constantly running back to our flesh. God made us relational beings and created us for Himself, of course, but also for each other.
:) I'm glad you have them. And I'm glad I have my girls. Mutual struggle is the best iron sharpening iron ever!
ReplyDeleteThank you for that post! God is putting a full court press on me to find gospel, authentic community. I hurt so much leaving Colorado and the best guy friends I have ever had, that I have been too afraid to find new ones...3.5 years later!!! He is hitting me up from every angle over the last month or so. That post was meant for me.
ReplyDeleteShinkaminka-somebody can write!!! LOVE all of these posts and your vulnerability makes me love you more too!
ReplyDelete